What a joy it is to be someone’s tiny everything!
“Didn’t it go a little too far”?
She shrugged her shoulders while looking at the length of her hair. “I know it went too far but this looks cute on you”, I said and left the scene before she said anything. I have been in charge of trimming her hair since the day she realized that I trim decently. But ever since then she would allow me, I always took it for granted and kept them short. The curls in her pretty thin hair were like links to pass time for a beautiful mother-daughter relationship. “Come here. Help me tie this. This is hard, I am running late”. When I tied them with bobby pins, her reflection in the mirror looked at me eerily and without any delay she hopped off home. After coming back, as if to know how it went, I leaned on to her to ask what her colleagues told her about her hair. She chuckled and said “nothing much”. “Amma, do you remember how they tied my hair during dance sessions? How painful was it? The massages you gave me after every night helped me to sleep, you remember?”. Yes, she exclaimed. I asked her about one of the painful memories I had in the course of my dancing days. She would always help me tie my hair with utmost care and would untangle them after every tiring night. Amma often said that healers are god’s prophets, and I think it’s safe to say that she’s been mine ever since. She told me once that when I was born, I had curly hair. She would tie them up and it would dangle and bounce all the time and which made me look like a tomato. Despite the lack of resources to prove that she was proud of my hair, I know she would caress my hair every now and would pat on my head when I’m asleep. Unlike before, she rarely pats my head now. Doesn’t seem like she is fed up with this but I find her hardly more expressive than before. Well, I know, the perpetual presence of someone can be a little overwhelming. This could be refraining Amma from showing off her feelings for me.
The found the strength she was looking for inside me, she wanted me to be a bold and independent girl which she couldn’t become because of her parents. Our friendly talks during our ritual morning walks together opened up conversations we never explored before. As we stroll over the dusty morning paths, waving to the dogs and birds nearby, we were like two bodies sharing a single soul, talking about life. She never judged me for speaking my heart out, she never questioned my likes and dislikes. Thanks to Corona, we know each other more than before. I am eventually growing up to be her best friend, who never wanted me to follow her steps, but walked beside me to go further. I assume that she was that fairy who appeared in my dreams when I couldn’t sleep. She is the blanket that covered me in cool winter nights, she is the inner voice inside me who said, “Don’t worry, I know you will get through this as well”.
It must be right.
No, it is right!!
Ever since I have started living my life, I could find the emotional roller coasters that amma has experienced in tandem with my ups, downs, good and bad times. She is growing inside me. I am after all, a sweet(I don’t mind using this adjective) manifestation of what she has been. Her past is concurrent with my present and yes, let this go on. She instilled in me a plethora of mannerisms. Like her, I would tuck my toes into the other leg, I would always wrap my hair in a bun, and I would cry while reading just like her. Every day, you make me better, happier, and the best version of myself. And undoubtedly, my happier version could be that of yours as well. Life has never been easy for us. We never know what destiny has in store for us. But as long as I have you holding my back, I don’t mind going out and getting the job done, no matter the situation I am put to confront.
It’s usually a crucial and life-changing event that causes us to reconsider the vital aspects of life, ones we often take for granted even the fact that we awoke this morning to another wonderful day of life on this planet. Times that make us rethink everyone and everything around us, as well as instances that we don’t always embrace to their full potential. The fact that it will all come to an end at some point, we still carry on with our lives, utterly forgetting about our agreement to “live in the now,” “appreciate the simple things,” and “not to take things for granted.” We return to being overworked and preoccupied with the things that truly matter in the larger scheme of things.
